It’s not OK right now (and that’s OK)

I know- it’s been awhile since I blogged. Honestly, I have been trying to stay so busy that I don’t even have moments to myself. I am trying to keep busy so I don’t start missing my husband.

My husband joined the United States Army. It feels so strange typing that. I never thought I would be in this position. I remember- throughout my entire life- I would see as men and women left their spouses for deployment and I would think ‘Oh my gosh. I could never ever do that. I couldn’t be away from my husband for that long.’ And now, I am going to be one of those women. It’s weird.

It seems like my personal mantra the past few weeks has been “It’s all okay.” That’s what my friends keep telling me, what my family keeps reminding me, and what I am constantly telling myself. It’s all okay. Everything will be fine.

The other day I was talking to a woman who’s husband had been in the military for several years. I told her how I was feeling about everything and I ended my rambling sentence with my statement of “But, it’s all okay.” This woman looked at me as if she was trying to decide if she should say what she was thinking. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or let this freak you out- but, it’s not okay. It’s going to be really hard and you’re probably going to cry a lot. He’s your husband and he is going to be gone for months at a time. It’s okay if something like that makes you sad.”
This has been the most helpful thing anyone has said to me about my husband joining the Army.
Of course I won’t be fine. The love of my life is leaving. I won’t be able to see him and I will barely be able to talk to him. It’s going to suck. It’s probably going to be the worst thing I have ever had to deal with. And that’s fine. It’s okay for me to be sad about this. It’s okay if I don’t have it all together. It’s okay if I can’t handle it right now. I’m still going to work, I’m still going to hang out with my friends, I’m still going to visit my family, and I’m still going to continue living my life and being as happy as possible.
It’s not gonna be okay right now and that’s okay. Because some days will be harder than others. Some days all I’m going to eat is ice cream. Some days will be great and I will go on drives and on hikes an do whatever I want to do.
It’s not gonna be okay right now and that’s okay. Because I am allowed to have feelings and emotions. I don’t have to be happy all the time. If I need to cry, I’m going to cry and then move on with my day.
It’s not gonna be okay right now and that’s okay. Because I know this isn’t going to last forever. I know that I love my husband more than anything and he loves me. I know that he wants to help our country and help others
One of my favorite quotes is something along the lines of “Everything will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright, then it’s not the end.” I’m okay with not being okay sometimes because I know it won’t always be hard and the days won’t always be bad. But, in the end, it will be great.
It won’t always be okay. And that’s fine with me. Because it will be someday.
fine.